


The Gummy Bear Theory

by ireneks (zeroambi)



Category: Popslash
Genre: Humor, Mary Sue, Multi, Self-Insert, metafic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-29
Updated: 2003-12-29
Packaged: 2017-10-19 21:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeroambi/pseuds/ireneks





	The Gummy Bear Theory

"Justin is a red gummy bear?" Chris looks puzzled at the woman sitting next to him on the floor, squeezing a red Haribo between two fingers with a disgusted expression on her face.

"Hm." She nods and eats the gummy bear with deadly disdain.

"And I'm a yellow one?" asks Chris fishing couriously in the candy bag for a bear with the color in question.

"Yes." She nods again. "See, I have this theory..."

"That all guys of *NSYNC are gummy bears?" Now Chris sounds a little irritated.

"Let me explain." She points at the candy bag in Chris hand. "Maybe you noticed, that they put more of the red bears in these bags than bears of the other colors. This is because of some survey which found out, that the majority of the people likes the red ones the most. Which by the way pisses me off, because I think they taste like crap. What about 'same rights for everybear' and all that? My favourites are the yellow ones, which of course were the least popular in that survey." She makes a face rolling her eyes. "So, that means Justin an JC are red gummy bears and you and Joey are yellow ones. Metaphorically speaking."

"Ah..." Chris finally got it. "What about Lance?"

"Hm. Dunno. Maybe a white one. Kinda neutral."

"You think?" Chris searches for a white bear and chews on it with great relish. "I think the white ones are my favourites. They taste like banana with pine apple. Just yummy!"

"Well that fits." She giggles.

"Huh?"

"Trickyfish has become my favourite pairing." She winks.

"Er...Uhm..." Chris blushes and sighs. "Doesn't work," he mumbles.

"Excuse me?"

"Never mind." Chris fends off and eyes her suspiciously. "So, you're one of those chicks writing and reading all this nasty gay porn about us on the net?"

"Guilty as charged." She grins smugly licking gummy bear remains off her fingers. "I'm thinking about a GroupSlutFic at the moment. Maybe a NSYNC/O-Town Crossover?"

"Eeew!" Chris looks disgusted. "Can't you get a life instead or something?"

"Sorry, can't do. I mean hullo!" She beckons before his face. "Arts history, anthropology, sociology, whoknowswhat student in her fourteenth or so semester, still living with the parents. No life whatsoever, man!"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Chris catches her waving hand and puts it out of his space. "To be honest... Despite the appearance, I don't have much of a life myself." He shrugs."Pleasures of being a celebrity, you know."

"Ow. That's sad."

"Duh."

Thoughtful silence only disturbed by the eating of some more gummy bears follows. "Why don't you like the red ones?" Chris finally asks curiously.

"I told you they taste like..."

"No, no. I mean Justin and JC?"

"Oh, well. Justins is fairly eerie to me." She shudders. "Let me give you an example. You know the intro of his 'Like I love you' video? The 'You're scared now, right? Don't fear me baby. It's just me Justin' line? I allways have to fight the urge to run away screaming. No seriously. Mr. Timberlake and his curls just squick me. I guess, I was the only female in the world, who was horribly relieved when he shaved his head. Finally I could look at him without protection glasses... About JC... Well, let's just say, when he told some reporter that he is the _boring one_, I believed him imediately. I should know about boring people. I'm the prototype. If he had not grown and bleached his hair for 'Pop' I would have probably never really noticed him. I mean...he likes to sleep all day, has horrible clothing taste and his head high in the clouds. He also babbles incoherent nonsense most of the time and experiments with potency medicine? Jeez. That sounds like I'm his evil twin or something." She shakes her head pityfully. "No, just no. Red gummy bear it is."

"Aha." *What a speech.* Chris thinks. "You know, besides the curls and the boredom they are quite okay guys", he tries to defend his 'brothers'.

"If you say so." She doesn 't sound all that convinced.

Now Chris points at the abandoned game of SSX Tricky on the Playstation in front of them. "Want to play another game? Although I have to tell you, you really suck at this."

She shrugs. "I told you I'm more of a Nintendo girl."

"Well, then you should have rather picked up Nick Carter at the party."

"Perhaps. You have his number?"

"Hey!" Chris slaps her playfully and then goes for a tickle attack.

"Just kidding, just kidding!" At the attempt to fend him off with her controller she gets tangled up in its cable.

Finally Chris backs off, helps her to untagle again and throws the controller away carelessly. "Or...We could have sex." He wiggles his eyebrows and leans in for a kiss.

"Err...Uh...I don't think this is a good idea." She tries to stop him.

"Why?" Chris lets himself not be disturbed by her objection and starts to nibble at her lips.

"Because you are the one with the virgin issues, aren't you?"

At this Chris backs off immediately with a shell shocked expression on his face. "Are you saying you are a _virgin_?"

"Uhm. Ah ..."

"You're shitting me, right?"

She blushes a deep shade of red and stumbles for words. "Well, er... I mean... Not a _virgin_- virgin. Because I have sex-toys and even used them once or twice...But as for having actually sex with like... another person, that would be... yes... virgin."

Chris gapes, then swallows. "How old, you said you are?"

"Hm... Twenty-seven." *Almost twenty-eight even.* Now she seems totally embarrassed. "Look, I know this is pathetic..."

"You _are_ JC's evil twin!" Chris interrupts her loudly.

"Huh? JC is a virgin?"

"Well, not a _virgin_- virgin. I mean he had Bobee and the sex-toy phase. But as for actually coming to terms with his obvious gayness and having sex with like... another guy, that would be... yes... virgin."

"Hm. That's not exactly the same."

"Well. Duh. Close enough!" Chris look speaks volumes.

"Hey! Stop with the pity look, okay!" She rebukes him. "It's is not all my fault, you know. I was even pretty precocious and wanted to seduce my classmate Harry behind the rabbit barn in his parents garden when I was only twelve. Unfortunately all the little dork was interested in was his stupid run away rabbit," she rants on and Chris can tell she's still not really over it.

He shakes his head disbelievingly. "So, you're telling me your last date was in 1988?"

"1987. That rabbit-barn-thing wasn't a date strictly speaking." She corrects.

"Oh, my, my. We really have to do something about that!" He pulls her of the floor directing her to the hotel bed behind them.

"And your virign issues?"

"I think they have to take a backseat for now."

"Sure?"

"Yep!"

"Oh...Well... Then..."


End file.
